I have been thinking a lot these past few months. Mostly about mundane things that are every day seeping and crawling in in my mind. On how little or how far I had climbed on my life’s ladder. Some about my current standing in life, in terms of every single aspect that I could think of and how I could better improve myself on each one of those. Little on the doubts and fears that have been clouding my mind then which further fuelled my psychotic imagination and concretized my typical standing. I’d like to think little though these two, doubts and fears per se, literally took the space that should had been reserved and took up by creative juices and optimism which I miss now more than ever. Few on an unequal list of good times and bad times. And a lot of snippets of randomness and ideas longing to be freed. Replaying and forwarding each and every single thoughts, again and again. But never playing.
I really have been replaying memories a lot, been playing events that is still bound to happen. I have been defining my future based on what I perceive not on what I believe lately, been thinking a lot really. But then I stopped. Is it all there is in my life and dreams? Is my life meant to be spent just sitting still and wandering inside? Are my dreams meant to be contained only inside this small squishy and intestine-like thing of a brain rather than out playing and standing out amongst us? Are they?
But of course I know the answer. So I got off my chair and hit play.
June 3, 2011. Written by Lav Acacio.