The Goal of Simplifying
Our modern world has shifted its thinking to the idea that more is better - a world where the collective strives to have bigger, better and more of every little thing, a world where the collective glorifies busyness.
We pack our days with endless activities and commitments. More often than not, they leave us breathless; huffing and puffing to get to the next big thing until we find ourselves stressed out and overworked and we wonder why.
We often forget to stop, to take a breath and rest. But as a parent, I had to stop and think if this perspective of the world is what I wanted for my child to see.
Although I would love for him to enjoy the nicer things in life, do I want him to grow believing that having more is the goal? Although I would love for him to develop a hobby or two, do I want to pack his days with adult-led activities such as organised sports, dance classes and music lessons after school? Would he love that or would it just be me imposing my dreams and goals to him?
I sure would not. But sadly, this is what I am seeing in our world right now. Our children are also overworked and over-scheduled. No wonder they are also stressing out and developing mental health issues that were not apparent decades ago.
We are treating them as adults. We are expecting them to have lives like ours. We are much fixated to what they will become in the future rather than who they are now. So we try to mould their schedule to this imagined, future “them”.
We often forget to see them as children and also as equals. Yes, they are half our size but it does not make them lesser than us. They are human beings that need to be listened to and respected.
Really, have we stopped lately to listen to their needs?
Maybe it is not more toys that our children need but free play, unstructured time and time with nature.
Maybe it is not an overpacked schedule that they need but a rhythm and predictability that they could hinge unto throughout their days and lives to feel secured.
Maybe it is not a plethora of choices that they need but for us to simplify and give them limited choices, especially during early years, to help them develop their own voice and not overwhelm.
To do nothing is detested. Why is that so? Why is doing nothing frowned upon? I know I do it sometimes with my child, pushing him to move from one activity to another instead of just allowing him to be.
Kim John Payne who wrote the book Simplicity Parenting said this:
If we honor the importance of unscheduled time - of kids doing nothing, but on their time and terms - then we are on our way. We’ll open up their schedules, simplify.
With the social conditioning I grew up in, I know that this would be a lifelong journey for me to undo things that were instilled in me. But not for my child, I can make him be aware early on. I am now in the pursuit of simplifying and eradicating unhealthy beliefs that were forced upon me. I do not want my child to grow up believing that having more is the ultimate goal because it is not. To develop his own sense of self and flourish through his talents are more important.
For now, we would like to invite more free pockets of time in our day; to release the pressure of being productive all the time; to simplify his environment; to let him play, enjoy and be and just soak in the wonderfulness of the nature and the world as it is.
Day by day.
Little by little.
All of these thoughts emerged while I was reading the book Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. If you are a parent who feels overwhelmed and is feeling that your family needs simplification, contrary to what the world is telling us, then this book can help you to start and navigate through it.
