Daily Post #11: Not Alone Anymore

I migrated here in Australia alone. I stayed a few months with my kind and accommodating relatives in Sydney for about two months and tried my luck here in Melbourne when I was not able to find a job in Sydney.

It was a big decision after just going through a prior big decision. It was also a scary one since I am already starting to get comfortable in Sydney and after just a few months in the country, I am again starting from scratch.

Unlike in Sydney, I do not have any relatives in Melbourne. I only have one close friend living here. She and her husband let me in their lives when I needed badly someone’s help. They extended their home and acquaintances to me until I was able to have my own feet.

The first few months of living alone was lonely. I busied myself with chores. I organized my little living space then to pass time, to not feel that much alone. Though my friends and family were just a phone call away, nothing beats the comforts of knowing that they are just an arm’s reach. But nonetheless, the feeling of loneliness transitioned to the feeling of freedom. So this is what living alone feels like. And so, I maximized it. I did everything by myself and in the process I got used to it.

After Aaron and I got married, the same system pursued. I am living here and he is staying in the Philippines. We are putting forth a lot of sacrifices now for not being physically together all the time for our family’s future. We have some really big dreams for our family. We both think that in the long run this sacrifice will all be well worth it.

Moreover, two weeks after our wedding, we found out I am pregnant. We were both here in Australia then when we found out. We spent some lovely weeks here in Melbourne but of course, since time is finite, after a few weeks after he has to go back again to the Philippines due to his work obligations.

I was then again alone.

Every single time, it gets lonelier.

When my mom went back to the Philippines after accompanying me to Sydney for my big move for about two weeks, that afternoon she left left was so lonely.

When I was packing my suitcase for my move to Melbourne as I have decided to leave the comforts of my relatives’ home and company back in Sydney, that again made me feel sentimental.

When I moved out of my friend’s home in Melbourne after I found a new place to live in, I just lie on my new bed looking at the ceiling, thinking how lonely this is.

And this again, after just getting marriedand getting used to the happiness of being together, Aaron has to go back to the Philippines.

However lonely it may seem, I think this is just a small price that you have to pay if you are running after something bigger than just short-term comforts.

After letting the feeling of loneliness sank in and dissipate, I eventually realized that no, I am not alone anymore. I have a growing baby inside me.

So during the first trimester, even though he still wasn’t able to hear me then yet, I was already talking to him every day. I say good morning and good night to him; I say to him whatever I feel; I acknowledge his presence every time that I think about him wherever I may be. When he grew bigger and his kicks got more noticeable, I continue to acknowledge his movements and presence; I dance with him; I do my chores with him; I experiment in the kitchen and make some lovely dishes for him; I keep him in loop with our dreams for him. Our baby has been a very great companion and with him here, I do not feel that alone anymore.