Notions about what I should be or do during my pregnancy had already been circling my mind long before I even got pregnant. I told myself that I have to be active, creative, pondering, bibliophilic, a healthy-eater when I reach that stage in my life. Though I strive to be all of those most of the time now that I have a growing baby inside me, I can tell you now that it has been rather difficult to maintain that kind of enthusiasm every single time.
My body, though it is constantly getting a good night’s rest most of the time, would still find itself tired after a full day’s work. My mind, though it knows that my body should not ingest and digest unhealthy food, like junk foods, as they are non-beneficial for me and my baby, would still let itself be defeated by the promise of a short-term gratification from my hands reaching for that bag of chips in the grocery aisle or that tub of ice-cream in the fridge. My soul, though it knows that I need the constant uplifting which could only be obtained from being immersed in a book or an atmosphere that lets me be creative, would still be side-stepped by my body’s desire to just be stuck in the couch, immersed in front of the television, mindlessly doing series marathons that are far from active and creative but are really entertaining.
Though I feel guilty at times, I know that they are all part of being a pregnant, human being.
And though I have my faults, I know that I have my wins too that I am proud of. I have enrolled in a prenatal yoga course; I have been eating healthily almost all throughout the week and just let myself indulge when I feel the strong urge to do so; I have been researching recipes that I could cook so that I could invite variety in my diet and ingest as much nutrients that I could for me and my baby; what I lack in leisure reading I make up for reading about tips that could help me during labour so that I could have, as much as possible, a natural childbirth; I have enrolled again in a few driving lessons and on the path towards getting my drivers license; and more.
Though I have been slack at times, I know I am making the most of those other times that I have the energy to push through and do those things that I told myself I should be doing. Maybe I am not who I have expected my pregnant-self to be during this pregnancy journey so far based on my previous notions and expectations, however, I am striving to be the best pregnant-me that I can be for my baby despite some limitations and that’s what’s most important.